Your 20s and 30s are supposed to be the best years of your life—at least, that’s what everyone keeps telling you. But instead of feeling like everything is going according to the plan and timeline you had hoped, you find yourself stuck in a loop of existential dread, doom-scrolling through social media and job postings, and wondering why everyone else seems to have their life together while you're still deciding what to have for dinner. If you’re feeling behind, lost, questioning your career, finances, or relationships—you're not alone. This is the quarter-life crisis, and as a psychologist I can tell you, it’s more common than you think.
AM I HAVING A QUARTER LIFE CRISIS?
A quarter-life crisis isn’t just a dramatic term—it’s a real psychological phenomenon. It’s that overwhelming sense of “What am I doing with my life?” mixed with a generous helping of anxiety, self-doubt, and pessimism about the future. According to research, this stage of life—called "emerging adulthood" in the psychological literature—is a period of intense identity exploration and instability (Arnett, 2000). In other words, you're not broken—you’re just human.
Unlike a midlife crisis, which is triggered by aging and a sudden desire to buy a motorcycle, a quarter-life crisis is often fueled by job uncertainty, financial stress, social comparisons, and the pressure to make all the "right" choices before you hit 30 (and then again before 40).
Why Are So Many Young Adults Struggling?
1. Career Uncertainty: The Pressure to "Find Your Passion"
In a world where success is often equated with finding your "true calling," many young adults feel paralyzed by career choices. Studies show that career indecision is a major stressor in this age group (Duffy et al., 2015). While previous generations had the luxury of getting a job, staying in it for decades, and climbing the corporate ladder, it’s unlikely that strategy will progress your career these days. So even once you find a job, it can be hard to know when and how to make the next career move.
2. Social Comparison: The Instagram vs. Reality Effect
It’s hard to feel accomplished when every time you open Instagram, someone you went to school with is announcing their engagement, promotion, pregnancy, or new house (while you’re still figuring out how to budget for oat milk lattes). Research confirms that excessive social comparison can tank self-esteem and lead to impostor syndrome (Fardouly et al., 2015). It’s also a significant contributor to poor body image - not a shock to read, I’m sure.
3. Financial Stress: "Why Is Everything So Expensive?"
“Just make coffee at home and don’t buy avocados!” Okay, well that won’t help. Not even a little bit. Between student loans, rent, house prices, poor wage growth, and the rising cost of living, financial stress is a massive contributor to anxiety in young adults (Elliott & Lewis, 2015). Economic instability can make it feel like the traditional life milestones—buying a house, starting a family—are out of reach.
4. Relationship Anxiety: Commitment vs. "What If?"
Navigating relationships in your 20s and 30s can feel like a game of emotional Jenga. Should you commit? Wait for someone “better”? Move in together? Stay single forever and adopt a dog? Studies show that young adults struggle with the balance between independence and intimacy, often fearing they’ll make the wrong choice (Shulman & Connolly, 2013). And do not even get me started on the trauma of dating apps.
How to Get Through It Without Losing Your Mind
1. Reframe the Crisis as a Transition
Instead of seeing this period as a crisis, think of it as a transition—a time to explore, learn, make mistakes, and grow. Research suggests that how you frame challenges significantly impacts your ability to cope with them (Martin et al., 2019). So, instead of feeling like a failure, normalise these challenges, remind yourself they are more common than you think, and that you have to make mistakes in order to learn what you want and value in life. It’s not failing, it’s simply learning. No one looks at a baby trying to learn to walk and thinks “Look at that pathetic attempt at walking, it’s never going to walk if it’s falling over like that” Same applies for you. You’re allowed to fall. it’s not personal, it’s learning.
2. Set Goals That Actually Matter to You
Psychological research shows that aligning goals with personal values leads to greater life satisfaction (Sheldon & Elliot, 1999). Instead of following a pre-set life script, ask yourself what genuinely excites and fulfills you. Maybe you don’t want a corporate job or a mortgage. Maybe you want to move to another country, start a side hustle, or finally learn how to keep a plant alive. Whatever it is—own it. And get started.
3. Stop Letting Social Media Dictate Your Worth
Social media makes it easy to compare your everyday struggles to someone else’s curated highlight reel. Try a digital detox, or at least limit your scrolling time. Research shows that mindfulness and reducing screen time can improve self-esteem and mental well-being (Kabat-Zinn, 2003). Unfollow accounts that make you feel badly, and follow those that make you feel genuinely inspired, excited, happy, and better about yourself. Your self-worth isn’t measured by how many LinkedIn promotions you’ve had by 30.
4. Talk to a Clinical Psychologist
Therapy isn’t just for people in crisis—it’s for anyone who wants to understand themselves better and make empowered decisions. Studies show that professional support can significantly reduce stress and improve coping skills (Lent et al., 2002). If you’re feeling stuck, a psychologist can help you untangle your thoughts and navigate this life stage with clarity and confidence.
Final Thoughts: You’re Not Behind—You’re Becoming
The quarter-life crisis isn’t a sign that you’re failing; it’s a sign that you’re evolving. Growth is messy, uncertain, and sometimes uncomfortable—but it’s also what makes life meaningful.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Our clinical psychologists in Sydney work with young adults navigating career stress, relationship doubts, and identity shifts. Book an appointment with Brodie Earl Clinical Psychology today to discuss where you’re at.